Ristar 2: And the Crystal Shards Edit
Ristar 2: And the Crystal Shards is the second game in the Ristar series.
It was directed by Savage Steve Holland and was released on the Xbox Kinect to combat the recently released Sonic the Hedgehog.
The game starts with a 55 minute cutscene. The script is below.
Ristar: Man what a great day in new york!
(A crystal shard flies into Ristar’s head)
Ristar: Youch! I think I need to rush to the doctor!
(Ristar rushes to the nearest doctor)
Doctor: what seems to be the problem young lad?
Ristar: i think i’m concussed
Doctor: ok that’s bad i knew things were bad but i didn’t know they were that bad. i’ll going into surgary.
(Doctor goes into sergery)
Doctor: hans me scalpel!
Nurse hans: ok
(3 hours pass)
Doctor: alright finished my sergery
Ristar: doctor how’d the sergers go?
Doctor: well i found out you have a concussion
Ristar: oh wow that’s bad i knew things were bad but not that bad
Ristar: o- OUYA!
Dark Ristar: hello you hetero losers
Ristar: who are you?
Dark Ristar: i’m you! but gay
(Granpappy Ristar walks in)
Granpappy Ristar: oh how’d the sergeeh g- ah!
(Dark Ristar kills Granpappy Ristar)
Ristar: no he’s dead! how could you do this?
Dark Ristar: with my hands!
Ristar: oh no what do i do now that granpappy is dead? oh i got it! hey Dark Ristar wheres your granpapy live?
Dark Ristar: actually just down the street from here.
(they go to Dark Granpappy Dark Ristar’s house)
DGDR: hey guys how’d the surgery go- ahhg!
(Light Ristar Strangles him)
Dark Ristar: Ristar why?
Ristar: if you can kill my uncle i can kill yours.
Dark Ristar: oh this is so sad
(Enter Steve Jobs)
Steve Jobs: guys i figured it out
Ristar: oh yeah?
Steve Jobs: i accidentally threw all these crystal shards at people and now they have dark versions.
Dark Steve Jobs: yeah no joke hetero
Ristar: how do we this stop this?
Light Steve Jobs: we have to collect the crystal shards in all 9 regions of earth?
Dark Ristar: ok but what even are the 9 regions
Dark Steve Jobs: obviously Paris, London, York, Moscow, Tokyo, California, Toronto, New York City, and America
Light Ristar: i should have known
Light Steve Jobs: ok now we have to go get them
Dark Ristar: not if i kill you first
Dark Steve Jobs: aha goood ideeya
(an epic 50 minutes battle happens)
Light Steve Jobs: ristar im almost dead
Ristar: just remember that light always triumphs
(Dark Ristar stabs Steve Jobs with a knife)
Dark Ristar: take this you hetero
Steve Jobs: silly dark ristar, i’m immune to knife stabs- Oh no!
Dark Steve Jobs: What’s the matter loser?
Light steve jobs: it’s my pancreatic cancer i’ve been battling with since 2004! I’m gonna did!
Light Ristar (almost crying): this is so sad. i’m almost crying.
dark ristar: good maybe if you cry enough you’ll be come gay
(steve jobs dies, fade to black)